Greetings, gentle readers. As the weekend's holiday so cheerily proclaimed, summer is officially over. Sure, us grown-ups will miss our backyard wine parties, but we have something to be excited about that's bad news for the little-uns: the kids are back in school! Oh, happy day. Let a perky 26 year-old explain to my kid what that obscene word they heard on the bus means.

Since "back to school" has come to mean "buy new stuff," I've been perusing my district's school supply list with an intense side-eye. I don't know about you, but I think a few of the items are a little unnecessary. For example:

"#7 - Protractor." Personally, I don't like the idea of a moody preteen carrying around an unlicensed sharp metal object. Plus, when was the last time they actually used those things in a classroom, 1963? Why not have the kids bring an abacus while they're at it? Maybe some whale oil for the lamps? All I'm saying is that if I have to buy a $100 graphing calculator for my 11 year-old, maybe the protractor can stay put in the Cold War era.

"#11 - Reinforcements." Such a gradiose term for a tiny, moderately sticky circle of paper! I don't recall ever using these things for anything other than making big creepy happy faces for my pencils. Plus, if the kid is rattling around her binder so instensely that her looseleaf is ripping out, there's a bigger problem.

"18 - Box of tissues." Horrors! My child doesn't sneeze! Surely having these boxes of snot receptacles will encourage my children to contract influenza! No child of mine will be blowing his nose. EVER. (In other words, buy your own dang tissues.)

Anyone else have any bones to pick with their school supply lists?

Fondly,
R.R.